i know it’s bad, but i want to be really hot with a guy. i want him to push my bra straps down and kiss the skin that wasn’t showing before. i want him to hum into my ear while i pull him closer. i want him to come over while i’m making cake, and i want him to stick his fingers into the frosting, and i want us to get into a passionate food fight in which we both end up rolling on the floor; flushed are we, delighted. i want him to push aside the shit on the counter and lift me onto it and kiss me while he’s in between my legs and i want to push him away and laugh and make him wipe the frosting off my nose. i want him to be undeniable infatuated by me, and i want him to think i’m adorable, and i don’t want us to rush into “i love you’s” or “let’s get married’s.” i want us to take it slow, just as slow as he lowers me onto the bed at one in the morning after sneaking into my window and kissing me. i want him to sleep next to me, and then wake up at five in the morning to put his shirt back on and sneak back out. i want a fucked up high school relationship with a legit guy who i will end up being with in the long run. and this is what i want, i know what i want now, and no he doesn’t have to fit every little detail, and no he doesn’t have to accomplish all these things. but at least i’m one step closer to realizing what i deserve. a guy who begs, a guy who likes to play with my fingers and kiss me on the forehead without it being paternal or some shit. like i said, i want to be really hot with a guy. and i do give a fuck who he is.